


Graceless Angel

by fangirlingovermishacollins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel Confesses Feelings for Dean Winchester, Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Confesses Feelings for Castiel, Happy Ending, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25185877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingovermishacollins/pseuds/fangirlingovermishacollins
Summary: After Dean and Castiel get together, Cas realizes he needs to tell Dean about his deal with the Empty. After the confession goes wrong, Cas decides there's one way to break the deal.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 41





	Graceless Angel

"I've been looking for you, Cas!" Jack said, smiling cheerfully as he joined the angel in the bunker's library. 

"Hello, Jack." Cas smiled and motioned for Jack to join him at a table. "Do you need help with something?" 

Jack shook his head. "No. I wanted to talk to you. I almost went to Sam and Dean, but I thought asking you first would be a better idea." 

Cas nodded. "You know you can still talk to them, Jack. Both of them would be willing to help if something was wrong." 

"This isn't something Dean and Sam can't help with. I know about your deal with the Empty. I know you did it to save me, and I'm happy you did, but what about you? When will it happen?" Jack asked, leaning forward. He looked concerned for Cas.

"When I'm truly happy. At the time, I knew it wouldn't happen for a while. Even now, I have plenty of things to keep me from that happiness." Cas sighed. "Dean and Sam have no idea, Jack. Thank you for coming to me about this."

Jack frowned. "They need to know. You can't just leave them one day and not give them any answers. Have you thought about how much it would hurt them?" 

He was right. Cas didn't want to imagine the effect his decision would have on the brothers; they would feel betrayed, no doubt. The angel could still remember Dean's reaction when Cas revealed to him that he'd chosen to stay in Purgatory, rather than leave with the hunter. This would be so much worse. At least in that case, Dean still had hope he was alive. Now, he'd be dead and Dean would be left with nothing to hope for.

Where would that hopelessness lead Dean? Would he become a merciless hunter, coping by killing every monster in sight? What if he turned to alcohol to make himself forget?

And what about Sam? He'd probably try to bring Cas back, going through every book in the bunker. When he finally accepted that nothing could be done, he would get through it, but how long would it take?

"I know." Cas looked down at his lap. He could feel Jack staring at him. "You're right, Jack."

"I know." Jack still wasn't satisfied with Cas's answer. "Then do it." 

"You don't get to tell me what to do, Jack. I will tell Sam and Dean when I'm ready. Until then, please just give me time." Jack huffed. When he got up and left the library, Cas didn't try to stop him. 

A minute or so later Dean said, "I was wondering when the kid would turn into a teenager." He chuckled. "What'd you tell him? No parties for a month?"

Dean walked over to Cas's table and took Jack's seat. "Or no phone? Been a while since I was a teenager," he went on. 

Cas looked up at Dean. "We simply had a disagreement. It's fine." 

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, okay. You alright though? You look like something's bothering you, Cas." The hunter suddenly pointed a finger at Cas. "I'll get you a beer and you're telling me whatever the hell's going on, got it?"

"That's not necessary." But Dean was already gone. 

When he came back a minute later he was holding two beers and a sandwich on a plate. "I got hungry," he explained through a bite of the sandwich, not even waiting to sit down before he started eating. "Now talk. I'm not leaving until you do," he said in a serious voice before laughing. "But seriously, there's something bugging you, Cas."

"You aren't exactly the type of person to discuss how you're feeling, Dean, yet you're trying to make me do just that," Cas pointed out. "That isn't exactly fair, is it?"

Dean grinned and held up his hands in defense. "This isn't about me, you son of a bitch, but fine. I'll go first, yeah?"

"Excuse me?" Cas asked, confused. He took the beer Dean held out for him.

"I'll actually talk about my feelings for once if you do, because there's something you should know, Cas." Dean relaxed (as much as he could, anyway) in the chair. Cas smiled softly. It wasn't often he saw Dean like this. 

"You make it sound very important," Cas said casually, shifting in his seat to get more comfortable like the hunter had.

"Because it is." Dean took a sip of his beer, briefly running his tongue over his lips afterward. 

"I should speak first. There's something you don't know and should already." Cas met Dean's eyes across the table. "However, I suppose I have no choice at this point," he said teasingly. At the very least, he could put a positive spin on things.

"Damn right." Dean took a deep breath. "You're one of the best damn things that's ever happened to me, Cas. I know everything's gone to crap, but I've been thinking," he admitted. "If Chuck wrote every detail of our lives, he knew that you'd keep coming back to me and Sammy. Hell, he brought Eileen back to Sam so they could get together."

"You don't want to follow my Father's story, Dean. You want to make your own future." Cas squinted, confused. 

"Now I don't, but back then I wondered why you didn't just stay the hell away from me. Even if I'd known that your asshole dad wrote it like that, at least I had you there, you know? I'm freaking ecstatic I have you, Cas. That's one thing he got right."

"You shouldn't be thankful for everything he did," Cas countered.

"You weren't meant to stay for a long time. You were a throwaway character, Cas," Dean went on. "But I got attached, and he rewrote the book."

"How do you know that?" Cas asked, even more confused now.

"Sammy saw it. His weird connection to Chuck showed him all the rough drafts, remember? Every other Sam and Dean he created. You weren't in a single one."

"Is there a point to this, Dean? I'm fully aware of my original insignificance now." Cas raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"He kept you around for me, Cas. To him you're an extra, a damn side character, but to me you're everything." Dean looked right into Cas's eyes, his gaze so intense the angel found it impossible to look away. "There's nothing stopping us from having our own ending. I bet your ass he was waiting for this."

"And you'd give it to him? Dean, this is what he wants." Cas shook his head.

"It's also what I want. And if I want something, I'll take it, Cas." Dean slowly smirked. "And I want you, angel."

No words came out. How was Cas supposed to tell Dean he was going to leave and never come back now? Cas had long since accepted Dean hadn't wanted him, not even daring to hope for his feelings to be reciprocated. But here he was, with Dean Winchester offering him exactly that.

"Yes," Cas found himself saying.

"That's good," Dean said, nodding. "Awesome."

"Yes, it is," Cas agreed.

"Now what did you have to tell me?" Dean asked. 

He should have come clean, but lied instead. "The very same thing. I've wanted you for a long time, Dean." It was still the truth.

•••

Cas felt Jack's eyes on him as he and Dean joined the nephilim and Sam in the kitchen the next morning. "You look happy," Sam said to them. "Dean finally said it, then?"

"Screw off, Sammy." Dean flipped his brother off, Sam laughing in response. "But yes, okay?"

"I'm happy for you guys." Cas smiled gratefully at Sam. 

Jack didn't say anything. "You feeling better now, kid?" Dean asked Jack. 

"Yes, I am, Dean." When Cas looked at Jack, he mouthed the word 'sorry.' The angel smiled and nodded. "Can I talk to Cas for a moment?"

"Bring him back, yeah?" Dean squeezed Cas's hand once before letting him go.

Jack led him down the hallway, far enough from the kitchen that they wouldn't be overheard. "I want to apologize."

"Jack, you have nothing to apologize for. You were correct." Cas reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I shouldn't have gotten upset with you."

"I always see parents yelling at their kids on TV. You didn't yell at me," Jack said. 

"Not everybody has to raise their voice to show they're not happy, Jack," Cas reasoned. Jack nodded, his face serious like this was a life lesson of grave importance. "I promise they will know what I did."

"I know," Jack said, going from serious to cheerful in a matter of seconds. "You're very happy with Dean," he said, changing the subject.

"I never imagined he would be more than a good friend. This is what I've wanted for a long time." Cas found himself smiling.

"Does this make Dean my father and Sam my uncle?" Jack asked.

"Not necessarily. For that to be the case Dean and I would need to be married, but I know he's like your parent already, Jack." 

"I see now, Cas." Jack smiled. "Thank you."

"Let's go back. I assume breakfast is almost done cooking now." 

"It is. Sam's making pancakes." Jack beamed up at Cas. "He let me help make them."

"I know you did a great job, Jack." 

"Sam said I did. I'm excited to eat them." Cas could tell Jack was eager to get back to the kitchen, but he walked with Cas, matching his pace.

"You can go ahead, Jack. I know you're eager to start eating." Jack didn't need to be told twice and sped up.

•••

"Wanna watch a movie, angel?" Dean asked Cas a little later. "You can choose if you want. You've seen all my stuff already."

"I like that idea, Dean. I would love to." Cas pressed a quick kiss to Dean's cheek. "Your room, I'm guessing?"

"Castiel, do you really want me in bed already?" Dean teased, and Cas knew he was starting to blush. "Go ahead."

When Dean started to head in a different direction, Cas took a step after him and wrapped a hand around his wrist. "Where are you going, Dean?" he asked.

"Don't worry. I'm not leaving," Dean promised. "I'm getting Sammy's laptop."

"Don't you have one of your own? Why do you need Sam's?" Cas wasn't sure how to respond when Dean softly laughed, turning to face him completely. 

"It's a brother thing, Cas. We screw with each other all the freaking time." The angel nodded. He'd seen enough of the Winchesters' behavior to know they messed with one another fairly regularly. "Be right back." Dean quickly kissed Cas and went on his way.

Dean's room was just as Cas had remembered it. It was somewhere between neat and messy, with everything having its own kind of organization that only Dean knew. Unsure of where else to go, Cas perched on the edge of the hunter's bed. 

He was just taking off his trench coat when he heard Dean calling to him, "Got it!" He paused in the doorway. "You're, uh-"

"Getting comfortable?" Cas said, but it came out more like a question. "I'm sorry, Dean."

The hunter just shrugged, forcing himself to look like it was no big deal. "It's okay. You comfortable then?" He cleared his throat. It took Cas a second to realize that Dean walked in on him basically undressing on his bed. 

"Yes, I am." Cas felt himself start to blush. "Let's find something to watch. I want to find something we can agree on, if you don't mind."

"That's cool, yeah." Dean set the laptop on the bed. He motioned for Cas to lay down and then laid down opposite him. "You know what? Come here." Without prompting, Dean pulled the angel closer. 

Cas smiled. "I like this."

"Get used to it. I'm not letting you go," Dean said into his hair. "I mean, damn, I've waited way too long already."

"I have no intention of leaving you." Even though the words weren't entirely true, they made Dean happy, and only made Cas feel guilty.

Because he would have to leave. And he couldn't let himself get used to this. If Dean was the reason he went to the Empty, all because he was treating Cas with so much affection, it would break him. 

But Cas still let himself be held, because he already loved how it felt to be in Dean's arms. 

The movie was good, but Cas could never focus on it completely. "What'd you think?" Dean asked once it was over.

"Hm? Oh, I liked it, Dean." Cas relaxed against him even more. "I was much more interested in you, however." 

"And here I thought you didn't know how to flirt or anything like that," Dean joked, taking Cas's hand in his. "You sure you aren't just lucky?"

"I'm lucky enough to have you. I never thought you'd return my feelings." Cas shrugged as best as he could. "I'm only this way with you, Dean."

Dean smiled and nodded. "Keep it that way," he said, adding a wink at the end. "You're mine now anyway, right?"

"I am. I'm yours completely." 

"Damn, I have an angel all to myself," Dean contentedly sighed. "What'd I even do to deserve this, huh?"

"Everything. You changed everything for me. I had no idea my judgement used to be so flawed. Humanity is a beautiful thing." Cas shyly looked at Dean. His Dean. "You especially."

"You're good at that," Dean whispered, his face suddenly very close to Cas's own. "That complimenting crap that I'm sure as hell not used to."

"Get used to it, Dean. I'm not letting you stop me from being honest." He reached out one hand to tilt Dean's chin, and they both moved at the same time.

A voice in Cas's head told him to stop before he took things too far. But the voice was ignored, because Dean was kissing him and it was perfect. The angel could feel Dean smiling into the kiss. They only broke apart after a few minutes because of Dean needing to catch his breath.

They could have gone on kissing for quite a bit longer if Sam hadn't awkwardly knocked on Dean's door. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw both of them fully clothed. "You guys hungry? Jack and I are getting food."

"I'm hungry, yeah," Dean said, nodding.

"Want anything specific?" Sam asked. 

It was the perfect opportunity for Dean to look Cas up and down, taking in every detail in a way that made it blatantly obvious what he was doing. He met Cas's eyes and, not worrying about Sam hearing, said into the angel's ear, "You." He pulled back with a satisfied smirk on his lips.

"I- Dean, I don't-" Cas had no words. 

Dean chuckled. "Sorry, but you make it way too easy," he said in a way that made it clear he wasn't sorry at all. He turned back to Sam, who was now looking anywhere but at the two of them. "Whatever you want's fine."

Sam nodded and nearly tripped over his own feet getting out of there. Dean looked at Cas and laughed. It was music to Cas's ears. "Let's finish where we left off," the hunter suggested.

The Empty wouldn't come for Cas yet, right? He could enjoy this time with Dean, couldn't he? This was everything he'd ever wanted... he had to take advantage of it now before it was too late.

So instead of thinking and saying no, Cas kissed Dean harder this time, wanting to forget everything about his deal if only for a few more blissful seconds. Clearly, Dean was on board, because he responded eagerly. 

•••

It had been a few more days and Cas's guilt was killing him. He paced in front of Dean's mirror (they now shared the room) and practiced for when he told Dean the truth.

"I made a deal with the Empty," he tried first. That was too direct, and Cas sounded far too casual saying it. Maybe it hadn't set in yet.

"I saved Jack, but I'm paying the price, Dean." That was too vague. Cas wanted to get it all out at once before Dean snapped and inevitably got angry.

"I can't be happy with you. These past few days have been the greatest days in my entire existence. That's why you should know that I made a deal with the Empty-" No. Too long of a beginning.

A knock at the door startled Cas. "Oh, hello, Jack," he said, waving Jack over when he saw him in the doorway.

"Hello! Sam wanted me to tell you that he and Dean went out. They'll be back later." 

"Thank you." He sat back on the bed. "Jack, I'm going to tell Dean about the deal. I should have said something sooner. You were right." Jack smiled, but it wasn't his usual, happy smile. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine. I've been trying to find ways to get you out of the deal, but nothing's worked so far." Jack sighed. "The Empty still wants you, even though they got me already. I might ask Billie if she knows anything that would work." Jack was quiet, lost in thought.

"I would love nothing more than for that to be the case, Jack, but there might not be a way out of this. Some things can't be stopped or changed." 

"We can hold it off, though! What if the Empty was satisfied to have me after all, and it can be reasoned with?" 

Cas already knew that there was no reasoning with the Empty. He didn't have the heart to tell Jack, though; after all, Jack was being optomistic and he was so hopeful still. "Anything is possible, I suppose," Cas eventually said.

"I remember how Dean was after you died, around the time I was born," Jack said. "He couldn't even look at me. I reminded him of you too much." 

Cas nodded. He'd heard this from Dean already. "Are you saying he's going to blame you?"

"I am. I know he will, Cas. You did it to save me, but Dean won't see it that way. He's going to assume I made you do it." He looked up at Cas, hoping for the angel to say he was wrong, but Cas had nothing to say. Jack was right.

"I'm sorry. If that ever does happen, Jack, I hope you know I never meant for it to." The nephilim just nodded his head. 

"I know. But we'll find a way out of this." Jack smiled encouragingly. 

Cas had braced himself for Dean's anger. He knew that Dean would call him an idiot for having done what he did. He'd decided to just say it all at once, not giving Dean time to respond. If he had to, he would use his grace to keep the hunter in place before he made any rash decisions or lashed out.

The angel was going through his plan and was so focused he didn't see Dean walk into the bedroom. "Missed you," Dean said after a quick kiss.

"I missed you too," Cas said, managing a smile. "I need to tell you something."

Dean's grin disappeared. "That doesn't sound good, damn it." He pulled over a chair. "Tell me, angel."

"I can't-" Cas started to say. "Dean, this isn't going to last. The longer I'm with you, the happier I am. You're everything I've ever wanted. That's why I need to tell you this now."

He couldn't look Dean in the eye. "When Jack was in Heaven, the Empty arrived. Jack is half-human, but he has angelic grace as well. There was a problem concerning where he should have been."

"Yeah, but Jack's back, right? There's nothing to worry about there." Cas nodded. He had wanted to give Dean no time to ask questions until he was finished, but that plan was out the window now.

"You're right, Dean. But at the time, I was able to save him. I offered myself up in his place." Cas risked a glance at the hunter. Dean didn't look too concerned.

"That worked out well. You're here still," Dean laughed. "Couldn't go back, huh? Did they kick you out again?"

"Not quite. The Empty and I made a deal, Dean. I would willingly return under one condition." Cas paused. "When I was truly, completely happy. I would be taken away at the best time of my life." 

Dean was quiet. "I wasn't concerned because at the time, it was highly unlikely to occur anytime soon. Now things are different. I have you. And that's putting me at higher risk."

"You're telling me this now?! Cas, what the hell? You should have told me!" Dean sounded anything but happy now.

"You mean everything to me. I wasn't ready to give you up, Dean. I know you, and I know you would have yelled at me for making that decision. I couldn't let Jack go. He's my responsibility now. I made a promise to Kelly-"

"Don't bring up that crap right now. We could have found a way out, damn it! What were you gonna do, Cas? Leave and make me think I've been abandoned?!" Dean huffed. "I was honest with you. And you lied this entire time."

"That was the farthest thing from my intentions." Dean only glared at Cas, not happy with the answer.

"Intentions don't mean shit if it happens anyway." The hunter crossed his arms, not even looking at the angel now. "It's done, Cas. I'm done. Get the hell out of my room."

Cas went without protest.

•••

How did humans go through things like this so often and come out of it alright? Ever since admitting the truth to Dean, Cas had been nothing but miserable. He'd seen movies on TV where a couple got into a fight and someone was always depressed afterwards. Up until recently, he'd seen that as dramatic acting. 

Jack quickly learned what had happened and in the days since, he had stuck close to Cas and assured him he did the right thing. He rarely spoke to Dean anymore and if the hunter tried anything with the nephilim nearby, Jack's grace would flash in his eyes as a warning. 

The bunker was divided completely: Cas and Jack versus Dean, because Sam was staying out of it altogether. 

"He's trying to save you, in a way," Jack said, trying to help. "It sounds wrong, but by treating you like this, he's keeping you from your end of the deal." 

Jack had a point. Every glare and insult Dean threw at Cas was keeping the angel around longer, but it still felt like a physical blow each time. "I suppose." 

"There's no way to get out of it," Jack confirmed next, having nothing else to say. "You're always meant to go to the Empty. You're an angel."

"I don't like thinking that I'm prolonging the inevitable," Cas said to Jack. Jack had nothing to say to that. 

"Do you want a sandwich?" Jack asked Cas. "I just Googled how to make a grilled cheese." 

"No thank you. I don't need to eat, but I appreciate it nonetheless." Jack nodded and headed for the kitchen, excited to make his own food. Cas supposed that because Jack was only half-angel, he still had basic human needs. 

Human. If only an angel or demon could go to the Empty, then...

Cas walked into the kitchen. Jack was looking at his phone and had ingrdients on a counter. "Jack, you're aware that humans can only go to Heaven or Hell, correct?"

"I know that," Jack nodded. "Why? What's going on?" He put the phone down, confused.

"I may have found a way out of the deal. You stood a chance of going to Heaven because your mother was a human. My grace is what makes me an angel," he explained. "I have lost my grace and become human in the past, however."

"You'd give up being an angel?" Jack asked, making sure he got the story straight. 

If there was one thing Cas knew for sure, it was that he couldn't handle Dean's hateful words and actions much longer. It hurt, having the person you love treat you like you were less than nothing to them.

Another thing he was absolutely sure about was that he couldn't hold up his end of the deal. He had people he cared about, and who cared about him, and just the thought of hurting them by leaving like that felt wrong. 

So now, he was sitting in the library again while Jack made sure he had everything: an angel blade, a vial to contain the grace, and a first-aid kit to clean up any wounds even though Jack could heal him easily. "It's going to be fine," Cas assured Jack.

"I've never done this before," Jack admitted. "What if I don't do it right? I could kill you."

"The process is actually very easy, Jack." Cas smiled easier now. He was so close to having freedom and happiness. It was liberating. "A shallow cut should be enough."

The angel blade was gentle as it cut the skin. Jack relaxed once grace was steadily flowing into the vial. "It's working," he said, grinning.

"I knew you could do it," Cas encouraged him. "Is it done?"

"No more grace is coming out," Jack reported. He nodded. "You're human now, right?"

"I am. Now all you need to do is heal the cut." Jack nodded and within seconds, it was like nothing had happened. "Thank you."

"-anything there," Dean said suddenly, coming into the library with his phone to his ear. "Sammy, it's not in the books. Get back here already." He ended the call and turned to see Cas and Jack, gaze falling on the grace and back to Cas again.

"Hello!" Jack said cheerfully when nobody said anything. "Was that Sam?"

"Yeah," Dean said. "Can you give us some privacy, kid?" 

Both Dean and Cas watched Jack leave. "You're one of us now?" Dean asked when they were alone. 

"It was the only way to end the deal. I can't return to the Empty when I'm no longer an angel, Dean." Cas looked down at his hands. "I didn't tell you because I was afraid to see how you would respond."

"You thought I'd get pissed? Cas, you're a damn genius." Cas looked up at Dean, surprised. 

"I couldn't stand the thought of hurting everyone if I didn't. No matter how cold you were, Dean." The former angel shrugged.

"It hurt every freaking time," Dean said in a low voice. "I had to, though, because if I didn't make you feel like crap, you'd be gone for good, Cas. I hated saying all those things. I hated myself for it." 

"You had every right to do it. I deserved it anyway, for lying to you. But I wasn't lying when I said I wanted you, Dean. That was the whole truth. It's been only you for as long as I've known you." Cas tentatively smiled. "I certainly deserve worse."

"Okay, first lesson as a human," Dean said, holding up one finger, "shut the hell up about what you think you deserve."

"I've been human before," Cas pointed out. "I hardly need lessons."

"Well, I won't let you be a self-hating dumbass," Dean insisted. "You're gonna have to learn that pretty damn soon, got it?"

"How is it alright for you to think of yourself in that way, then? The rule applies to you as well." Dean sighed but nodded. "I can promise you I won't think badly of myself."

"Good. Now let's get you something to eat, Cas." Dean held out a hand to help Cas up. He gratefully took it. Neither one let go on the way to the kitchen. 

Dean made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Classic PB&J, Cas. It's awesome." 

It looked good, Cas thought as he took his first bite. He soon found out that it tasted just as good as it looked, if not better. "I agree, this is very good, Dean."

"I told you, Cas," Dean said, smirking. He watched, pleased, as Cas ate both halves of the sandwich. 

"Are you going to watch me the entire time, Dean?" Cas asked after he was finished. 

"Can't help it," Dean said with a shrug and a smile. "I've missed you, angel." He reached out and loosely intertwined their fingers together.

"That's hardly appropriate anymore," Cas said. "I'm no longer an angel." He looked down at their clasped hands. 

"You are to me, angel," Dean said softly before pulling Cas towards him for a sweet kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> So the "you weren't meant to stay for a long time" thing is actually a reference to the fact that Misha wasn't even supposed to stay on Supernatural at all. Castiel wasn't actually supposed to last as long as he has already! Let's all take a moment to be grateful they kept him on the show in the end :) Thanks for reading!


End file.
